FLO Blackmail Journal, Day
1 (Or: Goofy's Revenge)
I write to you today from a top-secret bunker...In hiding. It is indeed
a sad day here for me, as I have had to pack up my electronic gear, my
arsenal, my extensive collection of potted thermonuclear cacti.
I have done all of this in order to avoid the sleazy photographers from
Headgear Princess Weekly...An anonymous source informed me that they had
somehow located my abode, and were on their way. Apparently, a certain
Blackmail Artist told them I would be happy to cooperate with a full-color...spread...Or
have the sordid Disney photos of my misspent youth exposed for all and
sundry to view with their dirty, prying-
Must focus....Has been difficult to sleep with the constant calls from
others in said photos. Goofy called again. The voice scrambler I gave
him last year does nothing to disguise his constant stuttering and yuck,
yuck, yucking. He always did start to laugh hysterically when he was excited.
G. told me Eisner has ordered my "termination" for the possible
loss in concession and movie revenue, not to mention the sordid tabloid
exposes (Sex in the Magic Kingdom; Tinkerbell as You've Never Seen Her,
The Seven Dwarves get Nasty) that could result.
I guess I was feeling a little on edge...I told him I would let the media
know what really happened to those stray cats and pigeons behind MoroccoLand
in Epcot if I saw so much as one sniper. Damn dog started stuttering "ind-d-discreet
(yuck, yuck) b-b-b-b-b-b-itc-"
I hung up on him, but then the dwarves called from their lawyer's office.
Thanks to all those trying to fix this little...Problem. I'll stay in
Reade, that file you Fedexed was filled with magazine clipouts of Disney
Characters, a sick little joke if ever I saw one. However, I will have
my revenge, even if I cannot act safely now...
With the European sales from that little cam the whipped toppinged duo
so generously let me keep (sure guys, sure....great angle, btw, thanks)
in dear Katy's ceiling, I should be able to make a comeback.
Just as soon as I get rid of Captain Hook.